putting on my turn signal

after a holiday weekend filled with family and my dearest (college) friends, i'm preparing to make the turn from chemo to radiation on this cancer treatment super-highway. i suspect that the radiation part of this journey will be a smoother and much more enjoyable ride. my radiation planning appointment is on wednesday, and while i really don't know what to expect, i do know that tattoos are part of the plan. while the words 'first tattoo' probably conjure up images of a pastel-colored butterfly, animated shamrock or family coat of arms, i suspect mine will look more like a pattern of distant stars.

i can proudly place a big, black check mark alongside 'chemo round 8'. my body is finding new ways to tell me its done with chemo; round 8 added a fever and chills to the potpourri of side effects. beth accompanied me to treatment, and i assure you that our matching shades of dusty rose were completely uncoordinated!

gratitude

as i head back to chemo today and prepare for another week of feeling green, i want to acknowledge thanksgiving a bit early.

it is my favorite holiday and always has been. why? it's not overcome with the frenzy of gifts. it's not (completely) over-commercialized. but, mostly because it's an entire day dedicated to gratitude and family. on this thanksgiving, my usual list of things to be thankful for has gotten a whole lot longer. where to start... my life? absolutely. my amazing family and friends? no doubt!

this thanksgiving, i'm grateful to have treatment options; so many people don't. i'm grateful to be beating this disease; so many people aren't. i've been fortunate to tie into a community of twenty-somethings battling cancer. many, like me, maintain blogs. many are fighting battles infinitely harder than mine. over the past few months i've seen more than one blog grow silent, only to be updated by a parent or sibling who posts the somber news that cancer won... and a young person closed the book on their life long before they hoped to. for these people, i will appreciate every moment of life that much more; i assure you that they would have.

i am especially grateful for you, my family and friends, this thanksgiving. for you are the people who teach me to love, laugh, learn, listen... and these, i believe, are the greatest survival skills of all.

a random assortment of little (and big) things i appreciate every day:
family. laughter. equality. the ocean. the spirit of america (and those who defend it). good music with better lyrics. photographs. appropriately-placed apostrophes. efficiency. excellence. a solid handshake. people who care about people. insightful idioms. integrity. teachers. tolerance. life!

two things happen when you look sickly...

1) society becomes much more courteous
i get a lot more doors held for me in public places and smiles from strangers as i'm going through life hair-less and with a constant dark halo around my eyes. on one hand, i think it's wonderful that people can be so courteous and compassionate towards perfect strangers. on the other hand, i think it's about time for the world to realize that most people are facing some struggle that they don't necessarily wear on their sleeve (or in my case, head). a novel idea: let's treat everyone we meet as if they were bald, scarred, sick, or, better yet... the way we want to be treated.

2) everyone tells you that 'you look great'
c'mon, laugh; you know you have said it! i do hope you remember to tell me how great i look great every time i see you when all this is over. ;)

'where are all the young people?'

this is a question i asked in shock after my first few chemo trips revealed only senior patients. ''young' for us is late-40s, early-50s', explained my nurse, deana. an article in the wall street journal yesterday touched on this gap: 'too young for cancer' and demanding action - young adults, aged 19-39, make up less than 10% of all cancer patients, but this age group is the least likely to survive...

thankfully, young adults with cancer are an active group, albeit small. many of their websites and resources have been very helpful to me... from fertility statistics to message boards and slogans that provide a little humor in the midst of something otherwise not-so-funny. (i'm well on my way to earning an 'eyebrows are for losers' t-shirt of my own.) :)

so, to fill the gap, we bring our own young people to the chemo lounge! this week i was fortunate to have my beautiful mom with me, along with a visit from peter.

 

inspiration just when i need it... today, chemo round 7

marathon time!

sunday is the big day for peter and his running mate, TK! i'm thankful that i feel well enough to join them, along with TK's wife and peter's family, for the weekend in NYC. peter and i have found a lot of inspiration in each other's journeys over the past few months. additionally, watching him run for hours every weekend made laying in bed feeling rotten seem a little less painful. if he could bring himself to make it through that fourth hour of running on any given saturday, i could surely make it through another hour of bad television. :)

i am tremendously grateful for all of the donations you made to this cause; together we raised $18,563.40 for the american cancer society! that's $18,563.40 towards valuable cancer research. $18,563.40 towards the type of studies that provided me enough data to make informed decisions about my own treatment. $18,563.40 towards support for cancer patients who don't have the family, friends and resources i am so fortunate to have. $18,563.40 closer to a cure...

knowledge is power... even when it comes to lip gloss!

several months before the cancer shenanigans started, i read an article that caused me to start thinking about what i put on my skin every day. much to peter's chagrin, what i learned led me to replace almost all of the products we use regularly in our home... lotion, detergent, soap, etc. (the fact that i even spent the amount of time i did on this crusade should have tipped me off that something might have been wrong! little did i know then...)

considering skin is our largest organ and we pay so much attention to what we put in our bodies, i think that what we put on our bodies should probably get a little more press. my friend, beth, read a similar article that led her to host a rather informative non-toxic makeup party, where we learned about the skin deep database. interestingly, fragrance is considered a trade secret and FDA regulations allow manufacturers to list 'fragrance' alone on a list of ingredients, masking the synthetic chemical compounds in our products (many of which are outlawed in europe). this website provides a list of known ingredients in many consumer products and rates the product's toxicity on a simple 1-10 scale. no need to rush off and become a paranoid consumer, but i found this website informative... maybe you will too.