'what kinda gone are we talkin' 'bout here?'

leave it to country music to embed itself in my mind, even on occasions such as these. whenever oncologists talk about these tumors being 'gone', this song jumps into my mind... and sticks around for awhile. but really, what kind of gone are we talking about? i have been very reluctant to throw the r-word around ('remission'....shhh!), understanding how fleeting it can be for lymphoma and, immaturely, not wanting to speak too soon and jinx myself.

i was under the impression that hodgkin's was one of the few cancers that could be 'cured'. so, i very proudly asked my oncologist if i would now be declared 'cured' of this cancer. she responded, 'if i was standing at your funeral confirming that you died of something else, then you'd be considered cured, but not until then.' since i'm not planning to do that anytime soon, i'll have to get more comfortable with my stage of 'complete response'. (it sounds does sound nice though, doesn't it!?)

the recurrence rates for hodgkin's are highest in the three years following treatment, then drop off to almost nothing. so, i'll be looking over my shoulder for the next three years, hoping and praying that this cancer doesn't return. if it does, i'd be going down the stem cell transplant path, and the odds of success there are definitely not comforting. so, i'll be focusing on doing (almost) everything right and keeping my fingers crossed until february 2014!

i'm participating in a study at dana farber cancer institute, piloted on new lymphoma survivors, aimed at instituting survivorship care plans. this plan will not only summarize all of the toxins and abuse my body has been exposed to on one handy sheet that can be shared with health care providers in the future, but it will explain all the risks of treatment and the precautions i should take. the phd-candidate who was working hard to sell participation (in hopes of making me patient 30 of required 30 in the study) explained, 'for instance, if you weren't aware that you can't scuba dive due to the amount of bleomycin you received, that could be lethal'. wait... no scuba diving?! while that wasn't on my to-do list, it also wasn't something that had ever been explained to me. i was well prepared to worry about my heart and lungs forever due to all they have endured during chemo and radiation, but am eager to get my hands on this plan in a couple of weeks to understand guidelines that will help stave off recurrence, secondary cancers and other health problems. i am hopeful that adhering to this plan, being closely monitored and channeling all possible good luck for the next three years will make sure this cancer is gone 'for the rest of my doggone life'!